


I Wanna Feel Love

by JeremyBearimy



Series: Gay to Me [3]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, Episode: s01e08, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Romance, Skinny Dipping, Talking, two bros chillin in a hot tub five feet apart 'cause they're not gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-06-25 18:27:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19751320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeremyBearimy/pseuds/JeremyBearimy
Summary: Jen and Judy are chatting with their feet in her jacuzzi, Jen suggests they get in.





	1. We Can Fight It

“Hope will burn you like that.”

Jen and Judy sat in silence, sipping their drinks and enjoying each other’s company, until Jen spoke.

“Hey.”

Judy looked up from her glass, “Hm?”

“Do you wanna get in?”

“The hot tub?”

“Yeah. Would be a good end to a shitty day.”

“I totally would but . . . I mean, I don’t even have a swimsuit.”

Jen shrugged, “you don’t  _ need _ one.”

Judy raised her eyebrows. “You mean . . ?”

“Why not?”

“I’d like to, but, we’re outside. And,” Judy’s voice lowered to a whisper, looking around cautiously, “what about the boys?”

“Everyone’s asleep; no one can really see in here anyways. Especially when it’s this dark.”

Judy thought about it for a moment, a little smirk forming on her face that she quickly shook away, trying to be serious, “I don’t know, Jen.”

“Come on, don’t be such a square. It’ll be relaxing.”

Judy chewed her bottom lip, thinking but not responding.

Jen spoke up, “I’m gonna get us towels. You can decide while I’m gone.”

“But Jen—“ Judy started but Jen was already halfway across the yard, so she gave up on it. She decided her best course of action was to get in now and not give Jen an awkward show of her undressing; she wasn’t shy, but Jen had some sort of effect on her. Whenever Jen was eyeing her she immediately forgot how to function, so this was not exactly the best situation for her to be caught under Jen’s gaze.

When Jen returned to the yard, Judy had shed all of her clothes; they lay strewn about the edge of the hot tub messily. She now sat in the jacuzzi completely nude, trying to hide the fact that she was completely out of breath after undressing and climbing in so quickly. That was the last task she wanted to be caught in the middle of.

Jen’s eyebrows shot up when she saw her, “ _ Oh _ ,” she breathed. After a moment’s inspection a smirk started to form on her lips.

Judy raised an eyebrow, “Why are you looking at me like that? This was  _ your _ idea.”

Jen chuckled and shook her head, setting the towels down and sitting at the tub’s edge. “I mean . . . I meant I was gonna go in in my underwear but,” she shrugged, still smirking, “I guess you stepped it up a notch.”

Judy’s eyes widened, mortified, but she quickly recovered, putting on an unbothered expression, hoping Jen would buy it. “Well . . . Is that a problem?” she asked as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Jen held the same amused expression, “Oh no, definitely not.”

“Well, get your ass in here then.”

Jen laughed and shook her head, pulling her shirt up over her head and throwing it aside before shoving her pants down her thighs. As she stepped down into the jacuzzi Judy threw her hand up to halt her. 

“Hey! What are you doing?”

“. . . Getting in?”

“No way. Take it off, Harding. If I’m gonna be completely naked in here so are you.”

Jen hesitated, “You . . . want me to get completely naked?”

Judy snorted, “I do.”

“What are you, trying to sleep with me?”

Trying to hide her shock with a roll of the eyes, Judy spoke up again, “Ha ha ha. Come on, this was your idea.”

Jen groaned, “Okay, fine.” She stepped out of the hot tub and turned completely around before peeling off her panties and unhooking her bra, tossing them both aside. As she turned back towards Judy she crossed her arms over her chest protectively, stepping back in and sitting down quickly.

Judy had a guilty cringe on her face, “Shit, I’m sorry, I forgot. Is that too much? Are you uncomfortable? Because you can put your bra back on if you—“

“I’m fine, Judy,” Jen cut her off, both of them silent. “Does it make  _ you _ uncomfortable?” she asked quietly, feeling smaller than she cared to feel.

Judy’s eyebrows knitted together, confused almost. “What? God, Jen, of course not.”

Jen nodded slowly, reassuring herself. She stared down at the water for a moment, taking a pause before letting her arms fall awkwardly to her sides. Whatever, she thought, everyone’s seen scars. “Sorry,” she sighed, “I guess I’m fine. It’s just that no one’s really seen so it’s . . . a little weird. That’s all.”

“Right,” Judy nodded slowly, “well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re a smokeshow.”

Jen laughed, “Thanks. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make it awkward, or whatever.”

Judy shook her head, “No no no, you didn’t. This is nice.” Jen’s head hung a bit, but a smile crept onto her face. Judy’s heart twisted on her friend’s behalf; the fact that Jen thought she needed to apologize for her own body making things uncomfortable made Judy want to cry. And it only made her despise Ted even more, something that was strangely comforting to her while she was in Jen’s presence, even if it was completely inappropriate of her to think that way. “I can’t remember the last time I did this . . .” Judy said, trying to cut the silence.

“Like the last time you went skinny dipping?”

Judy nodded, “Not that you could  _ really _ call this that, but yeah. It definitely wasn’t in a hot tub though. Probably some public pond that ended up giving me a UTI,” she laughed, hoping Jen would join; and she did, maybe harder than Judy. “God,” she groaned, “I’m sure I was trying to impress some guy . . . I was such an idiot in my 20’s”

Jen shrugged, “Well, who wasn’t? I used to do that shit with my girlfriends all the time. Always initiated it too, saying they were too pussy to join me,” she started laughing again, “I was such an asshole . . . Sorry,  _ am _ such an asshole.”

Judy laughed, shaking her head. “Nah, not an asshole. A  _ lot _ of things but not an asshole.”

“Well, isn’t that sweet?” Jen teased.

“Shut up,” Judy muttered, trying to hide the hint of a blush in her cheeks. She threw a compliment Jen’s way whenever the opportunity arose, thinking it was innocent enough, but whenever she got called out on her sappiness she got suddenly bashful. There was no clear reason why.

Jen looked satisfied enough with herself, sitting back and letting out a sigh of relaxation.

Judy decided scooting a bit closer wouldn’t be totally inappropriate, so she made her way subtly towards Jen. She stopped a few feet away; a safe distance. “Can I ask something?”

Jen shrugged, “Shoot.”

Judy sighed, “When you said no one had seen . . .”

“I meant it. If you don’t include doctors.”

Judy nodded, mulling it over, “So does that mean you haven’t . . . In like . . .”

“Yeah. I haven’t had sex in like a year and a half. If that’s what you’re asking.”

Judy stayed silent, nodding, wondering why she even asked about that, feeling uncomfortable about it now. “Damn, Jen. We’ve really gotta get you laid.”

Jen chuckled, “Didn’t work so great last time I tried that.”

Judy thought back to the night Jen came to her hotel room door, probably needing her, and she had turned her away. “Yeah I’m . . . sorry about that.”

Jen shrugged, “Hey, it’s fine. Not your fault.”

Judy sighed, feeling a bit of guilt. “Yeah, I guess.”

“What about you?” Jen suddenly asked.

“What  _ about _ me?” Judy retorted, raising an eyebrow.

“I don’t know. How’s your sex life?”

Judy shifted uncomfortably, “Oh . . . well,” she thought back to her and Steve, fucking on the backseat of the car that killed Jen’s husband, but burried it deep. Judy knew Jen wouldn’t want to hear about Steve anyways. “I mean, Nick and I were taking things slow. So nothing super exciting going on with me.”

“How slow are we talking? I thought you guys fucked on the retreat.”

“Oh, yeah,” Judy’s face tightened awkwardly, she couldn’t help but feel guilty about having such a good time while Jen was suffering. “Well I mean, he went down on me.”

Jen raised her eyebrows, smirking slightly, “Wow. Is that  _ all _ that happened?”

“I mean . . . pretty much, yeah.”

“Wow,” Jen faced straight forward, shaking her head. “And you let that guy go.”

Judy shrugged solemnly, “He really did deserve better than me.”

Jen faced toward her again and gave her a sympathetic pout. “Well. You deserve better than fucking Steve.”

Judy nodded knowingly, “I don’t know about  _ deserve _ .”

Jen sighed, “Come on. You’re like the sweetest, most caring person I’ve ever met. Not to mention you’re fucking  _ beautiful _ .” Jen looked away nervously after saying that, looking for her bottle of whiskey; reaching out to grab it and taking a swig, having forgotten about her glass long ago. She settled back into her spot in the water, still holding the bottle.

Judy pressed her lips together, not knowing what to say, not thinking she really deserved that. “Thanks. Seriously, thank you. But—“

“—But nothing,” Jen interrupted, “keep thinking like that and you’ll always end up with a Steve.”

Judy bit her tongue. She couldn’t help but think Jen was being hypocritical, knowing what she knew about Ted; but this wasn’t the same situation, so she said nothing, just nodded. “I guess you’re right.”

“You know I’m right.”

Sighing, Judy reached out a hand. “Could I get some of that?” 

“Oh yeah, we can share, come over here,” Jen said, realizing the two were somewhat far apart and not wanting to stand up again and expose herself to the open air.

Judy got up and moved close to Jen, sitting with about two feet between them.

Not thinking Judy would notice, Jen smirked to herself, amused by the bit of distance she’d put between them both. “Here,” Jen handed Judy the bottle. “We both need it tonight.”

Judy took a long sip, “God, do we,” she handed the bottle back. She ran through the past couple of days in her head, over and over; finding out Steve took that rock, seeing him with another woman, finding out she wasn’t pregnant, hearing what happened between Jen and that disgusting man. “Man, people kinda suck,” she decided. “I like to think everyone is good, deep down at least, and that everyone means well, but . . . people really suck lately.” Trying to stay optimistic was usually what kept her afloat, but that wasn’t working right now. Maybe she was just angry, she thought.

Jen chuckled, “Yeah, mostly.” She took a sip from her bottle, “But hey, you don’t.”

Judy snorted, not able to take the comment seriously. “I don’t know about that one,” she shrugged.

Jen turned towards her, sliding a bit closer, “Stop that. Seriously.” Her eyes found Judy’s.

Judy tried not to look directly at her, knowing those eyes held far too much power over her, but Jen was persistent, and continued to stare with the same intensity waiting for Judy to comply. Giving up, she let her deep brown eyes fall into the ocean-blue in front of her. Jen was waiting for a response of some sort, she realized, not just trying to hypnotize her. She wanted to tell her that she didn’t deserve any of the praise she was being given, or the love, that Jen deserved so much more, but she couldn’t.

“Sorry,” said Judy, closing her eyes for a moment as she said “you’re right. I’ll stop.”

Jen pursed her lips, giving Judy a loving yet sympathetic look. Reaching out, she placed her fingertips on Judy’s temple. Judy shuttered at her touch, her eyes falling closed again as Jen softly tucked her hair behind her ear, pulling her hand back after. When Judy’s eyes opened, Jen was still looking at her; she felt trapped under her soft blue gaze.

Jen sighed sweetly, her body was turned towards Judy’s now and she placed an elbow on the edge of the jacuzzi, resting the side of her head in her palm and never looking away from Judy. “Thank you. For being here.”

Judy pressed her lips together, trying a subtle smile. She turned towards Jen, mimicking her position, her own elbow resting on the edge of the tub. “I’m sorry. That I wasn’t here before. You needed me and . . . I’m such an asshole.”

Jen shrugged, breaking eye contact. “I’m over it.”

Judy sighed, “I listened to your voicemail.”


	2. Or We Can Throw It Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judy recalls the emotional voicemail Jen left for her and makes a few honest confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this got less wholesome.

“Oh,” Jen muttered, still not looking at Judy.

“I just . . . God, I’m such a dick. I should've been with you at the station. I really should’ve been there with you, I . . .” Judy sat up now, lifting her head from her palm and laying her hand flat on the jacuzzi’s edge, unable to look at Jen, her eyes welling up. She couldn’t stop relaying Jen’s voice over in her head, her saying _ “I guess I just . . . I need you. It’s gross” _ echoed through Judy’s skull, tormenting her, reminding her that she wasn’t there.

“Hey, hey,” Jen lifted her head too, placing her own hand over Judy’s and squeezing it, prompting Judy to look back at her, regaining their eye contact. “I might’ve been too hard on you. And I’m sorry. You’ve been there for me for so long. I’m very grateful for that.”

Judy gave a sad smile. “Thank you . . .” she took a long pause, replaying the voicemail in her head again. “I need you too, you know,” she said suddenly.

Jen squeezed her hand again, “It’s a good thing we have each other, then.”

Judy nodded, “Yeah . . .” she continued replaying the night before in her head. “And . . .” she paused, trying to summon some courage, “I love you too, you know.”

Jen raised an eyebrow.

“I was thinking about last night. You said the last time someone you  _ loved _ didn’t come home . . . I hadn’t really thought about it before but,” she looked off to her right, not able to handle Jen’s intense gaze, “I do love you, you know.”

Reaching her hand out and laying it on Judy’s cheek, Jen waited for Judy to look back at her, giving her a tight-lipped but genuine smile. Judy returned it.

Jen’s eyes didn’t leave Judy’s, which made Judy’s heart pound. Jen had never looked at her the way she was looking at her in this moment. Even though she’d never expected anything like it, when Jen leaned in close, she instinctively let her eyes close and her lips part. Jen moved her other hand to the back of Judy’s neck, weaving her fingers into soft brown hair and pulling Judy into her.

When their lips finally met a soft sigh escaped Judy, her whole body relaxing into their kiss. Soon Jen pulled away, her hands still holding Judy’s head. She tried to gauge Judy’s reaction. Judy’s eyes took a few moments to open, her lips stayed parted as she looked up at Jen, struck dumb with surprise. Blinking a few times, Judy attempted to regain sight of the situation. “Why did you do that?” she asked softly.

Jen closed her eyes as she chuckled “I guess I just . . . wanted to try it.”

“Try . . . kissing another woman?”

Jen shrugged, “Kissing  _ you _ .”

“Oh,” Judy brought a hand to Jen’s, holding it still against her cheek. “Well maybe you should do it again.”

Jen grinned, pulling Judy even closer before bringing their lips back together.

Judy let her fingers tangle into Jen’s hair and her other hand landed on her back, pulling her closer. Judy’s heart still pounded in her chest, and maybe it was her nervousness, but she couldn’t stop herself from giggling against Jen’s lips, feeling completely flustered.

Jen couldn’t help but grin herself, wrapping her arms around Judy and pulling her closer, allowing Judy’s chest to press against her own. Judy’s breath hitched, her nipples hardening against Jen. Their lips parted, foreheads coming together, Judy breathing heavily. Summoning some courage, she reached around her own back, grabbing Jen’s hand and brought it to her chest. “Touch me?” she whispered.

Jen smirked to herself, “Okay.” She kept a hand on Judy’s breast and slid a thumb over her nipple, squeezing and cupping her gently, Judy humming in response and bringing their lips back together. Trying to pull Jen closer in any way she could, Judy kicked a leg over Jen’s and straddled her lap in one quick motion, Jen grabbing her ass instinctively and pulling her in even closer. “Fuck. yes,” Jen murmured triumphantly, pulling Judy in as tight as possible. “Judy,” Jen said between kisses, prompting Judy to pause and look her in the eyes, “you really wanna do this?”

Judy grinned, “Was that not clear?”

Jen returned her grin, resuming their kiss until it was interrupted again, but this time by Judy. “Wait. Did you suggest this because you were trying to fuck me?”

“Uhhh, guilty? Well, I mean, it was the original plan but then we started getting all emotional and shit and then you told me you loved me and I just—”

Judy shut her up with another kiss, Jen letting herself relax into it, her eyes fluttering shut. Jen’s hands were on Judy’s hips now, letting her grind slowly against her lap to relieve some tension. Judy’s hands had been gripping the back of Jen’s neck, but now she moved them to her shoulders, cautiously moving them to her chest. Jen pulled her lips away and moved her hands to grip Judy by the wrists, not hard, but enough to still her hands. “Sorry,” Jen sighed, closing her eyes, “just . . . don’t.”

Judy stilled in her lap, “Oh. I’m so sorry. I should’ve asked, I . . .”

Jen shook her head, “No no, it’s okay,” she let go of Judy’s hands, “sorry, I didn’t mean to grab you like that . . . I think that was just my body reacting.”

“Don’t apologize, I understand,” Judy moved her hands to cradle Jen’s face from either side, letting her thumb brush over her cheek soothingly. “We can take it as slow as you want, you know . . . even though  _ you’re _ the one who was trying to fuck me,” Judy said teasingly.

“Thank you,” Jen gave a small smile, “I just thought I’d be able to handle . . . being touched like that. But I guess I need time to readjust.”

Judy pursed her lips, staring sympathetically at Jen, “That’s okay. We don’t have to do anything tonight.”

Jen nodded solemnly, accepting that this was probably for the best, but desire overcame her. “I want to,” she decided. 

Judy grinned, “Okay. So you just wanna take it slow?”

“No,” Jen said flatly, eyeing Judy up and down. She patted the edge of the jacuzzi, “I want you to sit right here. And slide forward, all the way to the edge.”

“Like . . . out of the water?”

“Basically, yeah.”

Judy chewed her lip nervously, “Okay.” She climbed out of Judy’s lap hesitantly, feeling immediately freezing and exposed when the night air made contact with her wet skin. But she stepped out and sat where Jen told her, hunched forward with her arms crossed, shivering. 

Jen turned round to face her and gave her a sympathetic pout, “Oh, you poor baby, I’m sorry,” Jen skirted the edge of the hot tub until she reached their towels, bringing one to Judy to wrap herself up in.

“Okay,” Judy wrapped the towel over her shoulders, “Okay, I think I’m good . . . Now what?”

Jen looked up at her, inching closer until she was at Judy’s exposed knees and placed her hands on them, looking up at Judy’s eyes to gauge her reaction, then slowly pushed them open. Snapping her knees shut in reaction to the sensation of exposure and chilled air between her wet legs, Judy held her hands on her lap protectively, blushing bright red. 

“ _ Jen! _ ” she whispered, looking around frantically, “What are you doing?”

Jen crossed her arms over Judy’s knees, resting her head there, “What did you  _ think _ I was doing?”

Judy bit down on her bottom lip, glancing around nervously. “Alright, but . . . What if someone, like, hears?”

Jen raised an eyebrow, “Jesus, Jude, how loud  _ are _ you?”

Judy’s face tightened, her cheeks flushed, “Guess it depends.”

Jen smirked, “Well. Should we find out?”

Judy returned her expression, “Maybe we should.”

“Good,” Jen pushed Judy’s knees apart a second time, but Judy allowed them to stay open this time, biting her lip to keep from grinning. 

Jen made her way in slowly, kissing and biting at the inside of Judy’s thigh, Judy taking deep, steady breaths. “You’re . . .” Judy inhaled, “you’re acting like you do this all the time,” she laughed breathily, “and . . . you totally never have.”

Jen grinned against the skin of her thigh, “I haven’t.”

Her mouth moved in a bit closer, biting into a fleshy spot near the apex of her thigh. Judy moaned softly, trying to contain the sound to the best of her ability, “Then stop looking so cocky.”

This request only fueled Jen’s smugness, her placing a soft kiss in Judy’s center immediately after, then running a tongue through her wetness. Judy squeaked in response, a satisfied smile plastered on her face as she leaned back on her palms, unable to sit up straight while Jen was doing this. She whimpered softly as Jen went to work, wishing she could sink completely onto her back. “Fuck, Jen,” she moaned, trying to keep her hips still; Jen eventually having to hold her thigh down with one hand to keep her still. Encouraged by the noises Judy was making, she brought her lips to Judy’s clit and sucked hard, making her squeal yet again, her whole body squirming.

Judy gripped the edge of the jacuzzi as hard as she could, her knuckles turning white while she groaned desperately, rolling her hips against Jen’s face. Eventually she tangled her fingers into Jen’s hair with one hand, tugging gently.

Jen gripped her thighs tighter, working more deliberately by the minute but beginning to worry about Judy’s volume. 

“Oh, God,” Judy whimpered, “right there, Jen, right there . . .  _ Oh! _ ”

Jen was torn between stopping to quiet Judy down or doing the exact opposite and picking up the pace in the hopes that she would finish faster; she decided on the latter, but it seemed that may have been the wrong direction to go in.

Suddenly, Jen pulled her mouth away from Judy, making her groan with disappointment. For a moment Judy thought maybe Jen was trying to tease her, but paranoia pushed that thought away. “What is it? What’s wrong?” Judy asked with a bit of panic in her voice, sitting up straight as quickly as she could.

“You’re loud as  _ fuck _ , Judy, that’s what’s wrong,” Jen whispered, “I need you to quiet down.”

“Oh . . .” Judy’s face and neck turned crimson, she was at a loss for words. “Sorry, I didn’t even realize, I was just so . . . fuck,” she giggled, flustered.

“I don’t wanna wake anyone and risk being seen . . . what do you say we take this to the guest house?”

“I don’t even know if I can stand but . . . sounds good to me.”


	3. You're Invited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the guesthouse . . .

“Don’t be dramatic,” Jen scoffed as she climbed out of the jacuzzi, using her towel as a shield as she emerged from the water, picking up all of their clothes. She tied her towel tight above her chest and skirted the shin-deep water around the sides of the tub until she could reach down and take Judy’s hand.

Judy depended on Jen’s support more than she thought she would; when she tried to get up her legs felt like jelly, hardly doing anything for her. After shakily pushing herself up she let Jen drag her out, supporting almost all of her weight. “Okay, you’ve got this, sweetie, come on.”

Judy nodded, trying to focus on holding her towel on as her teeth started to chatter. 

Jen squeezed her tighter, rubbing up and down her arm, “It’s alright. It’ll be nice and warm in the guest house.”

Judy nodded again as they approached the door, Jen opening it before pulling her in, getting her to her bed, and laying her down. 

Jen shut the door and locked it behind her, even though she knew there was no one nearby.

“Mmmm . . .” Judy hummed from her bed. Jen turned to find her laying on her back with her towel open and her hand between her legs, the other clinging to the sheets beside her. “Listen, if you don’t come help me finish soon, I’m gonna do it myself.”

Jen’s mouth went completely dry watching her. “Oh . . .  _ fuck _ . . .” she breathed, unable to pull her gaze in any other direction. Part of her wanted to stand and watch this scene play out; that is until she considered the fact that the hand between Judy’s legs could be her own.

Judy smirked at Jen as she started to approach, unable to mask her excitement.

Jen decided not to waste any time. She grabbed Judy’s wrists firmly and shoved them up over her head, climbing onto the bed to straddle her hips.

Judy started squirming needily, unable to relieve any of the tension between her legs.

“You look desperate,” Jen smirked, “maybe I’ll just keep you like this for a while.”

Judy shook her head frantically, “No. Please? God, don’t fuck with me like this.”

“Maybe I’ll think about letting you finish . . .” Jen teased, only making her squirm more desperately.

Judy whimpered needily, trying and failing to free herself from Jen’s grip. “Ugh, Jen! Please just fuck me.”

Amused, Jen smiled down at her, not moving her hands but leaning down far enough to kiss her lips, Judy moaning softly into her mouth. “Well . . .” Jen spoke an inch from Judy’s face, “that was so fucking hot that I don’t know how I could say no.”

Biting her lip, Judy grinned up at her expectantly.

Jen pulled Judy’s hands off the bed, wrapping them around the back of her neck. Judy pulled Jen’s lips back down to her own, Jen soon moving on to her neck, which drove Judy crazy. Jen’s hand was making its way down Judy’s stomach as slowly as possible, letting Judy squirm. Judy breathed heavily with anticipation, letting out a sigh of relief when Jen’s fingers were finally where she wanted them. 

Jen slid her fingers through Judy’s wetness a few times with ease. “Jesus, Judy, you are fucking soaked.”

Judy nodded, a bit of heat finding its way into her cheeks. “I guess you just have that effect on me,” she smirked. The smirk was quickly wiped off her face when the pads of Jen’s fingers swiped round her clit in a tight circle, applying some pressure. Judy’s mouth fell open, her head jerking back as her back arched up from the bed. “ _ Oh! _ ” she squeaked.

Jen decided she’d teased her long enough and would let her finish. She brought her lips back up to Judy’s, wanting to feel Judy moan into her mouth as she came undone beneath her. Judy was squeezing Jen’s towel so hard that it came undone, falling over her; neither of them minded. Judy was moaning desperately into Jen’s mouth, which Jen was entirely eating up, every vibration from Judy’s throat encouraging her further. Judy’s body was still arched, her hips now bucking needily into Jen’s fingers; the moans from her throat turning into whimpers.

Judy’s breath hitched, her grip suddenly tighter, nails digging into Jen’s back, hips jerking involuntarily, legs trembling as she finished on Jen’s fingers. Jen rolled off of her, pulling her towel back over her front.

Judy laid panting on top of her towel, skin wet from the jacuzzi or sweat or both. She threw the backs of her hands over her eyes, grinning as she breathed heavily, and started laughing to herself. Jen rolled onto her side, unable to help the smile that formed when she looked at Judy.

Judy rolled onto her side, her laugh fading into a soft smile at the sight of Jen’s eyes staring back at her. “That’s . . . not what I was expecting to happen tonight,” Judy said, placing a tender hand where Jen’s jaw met her neck. 

“Well . . .” Jen moved in closer, “that’s what I was  _ hoping _ would happen tonight.”

Judy grinned, biting down on her bottom lip, looking Jen’s face up and down before pulling her into another kiss. Jen threw an arm over her, holding her close.

Eventually, Jen felt she needed to get up. She planted a kiss on Judy’s forehead before pushing herself up to a seated position, clutching her towel over her chest as she climbed off the bed. Jen searched the floor until she found her panties along with all of the other clothes she’d carelessly dropped on the floor. She pulled them on along with her shirt, which she found soon after, and sat on the bed by Judy’s feet.

“Sweetie,” she patted Judy’s leg, “I think I have to leave now.”

“What?” Judy sat up quickly, pulling her towel back over herself, “ _ Why? _ ”

Jen shrugged, “To go to bed?”

Judy furrowed her eyebrows, “Why don’t you just sleep here?” She wasn’t sure if that was too much to ask, but she really didn’t want Jen to go, she just wanted to be held and loved.

“The boys can’t know I spent the night here, what’s that gonna look like?”

Judy furrowed her eyebrows, “We wake up before them anyways. We’ll already be dressed and I’ll be making breakfast by the time they wake up. They won’t know the difference.”

“What if one of them  _ happens _ to wake up early and is looking for me?”

Judy shook her head, “It’ll just look like you came out here to talk to me in the morning. You’re overthinking it.”

Jen sighed, “Okay, okay. Honestly, I was gonna have a date with my vibrator but . . . for you, I’ll stay.”

The image that brought to Judy’s mind had heat pooling in her lower belly. “Um . . . I mean I could . . . do that for you . . . if you wanted. I know I said we can take it slow, and we  _ totally _ can if that’s what you want, but . . . if you were about to do that anyways . . .”

Jen chewed her bottom lip, thinking. Saying yes, for some reason, made her feel far too vulnerable; too needy, but she wanted it. She knew if there was anyone she’d allow to touch her again, it would be Judy. Judy was really the only person she trusted, and who never judged her, and made her feel loved.

Jen thought maybe, with the liquor pumping through her, if she started speaking, she’d say something confident enough to keep her walls up while still inviting Judy’s touch. “I . . .” she started, trying to summon anything else, “I’m nervous.”  _ Fuck, _ she thought,  _ could I have opened with anything worse? _ “It’s just . . . been a while, okay?” Jen thought back; she had been with Ted so long. For most of their relationship they’d been so used to what the other liked and were comfortable with each other; Jen had always been more in tune with his needs than he with hers, but even so, she’d gotten to a point where she was entirely comfortable with him and only him for years on end. She not only lost that sense of comfort in the last year, but never found it with anyone else. After months of being conditioned to think that she was disgusting and her body would never be desirable, there was a big piece of her that thought she’d never enjoy sex again, or at the very least, never feel desired again. For the past year and a half she’d accepted that, and given in to the fact that she’d only pleasure herself now, something she convinced herself was for the best.

Judy scooted a little closer, wrapping an arm around Jen, who was now burying her face in her hands. “That’s okay,” she said sweetly, “we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’d just . . . really like to touch you—within your limits, of course—if you were okay with it.”

Jen let out a soft sigh, really wanting this, but unsure how to express it or whether she’d be able to handle it. Words weren’t working in her favor at the moment, so she leaned into Judy, bringing their lips together and taking Judy by the shoulders, laying them both down on their sides, face to face.

“Is that . . . a yes?” Judy grinned, their lips an inch apart. 

Jen nodded, wide-eyed, staring at Judy adoringly. Her expression was a more serious one, which wiped the grin off of Judy’s face, understanding what a vulnerable moment this was for Jen. Judy stared back with the same loving gaze, running her fingertips along Jen’s cheek and back far enough to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“You are so beautiful,” Judy whispered. Jen upheld the same expression, but a hint of a smile showed in the corner of her lip. “Okay . . .” Judy said to herself, rolling Jen onto her back and straddling her hips.

Jen took a deep breath, trying to process the fact that there was a naked woman on top of her.

Judy ran a thumb over Jen’s cheek affectionately, “What would you like me to do?”

Not knowing what to say, Jen turned her head and pressed a kiss into Judy’s palm, moving Judy’s other hand to her own chest, holding it there over her shirt.

“God . . .” Judy took in a long breath, “your heart is pounding.”

Jen nodded, still staring up at Judy, wide-eyed.

“You’re sure you wanna do this?”

Jen nodded again.

“Okay,” Judy said softly, lowering herself onto Jen, kissing her lips and sliding a hand down her stomach until she reached the bottom of her shirt, tucking her hand up under, just far enough to touch her abdomen. Jen’s skin twitched beneath her fingers at the shock of her touch, her breath hitching before Judy slid her hand up just a little bit higher, testing the waters. “Doing okay?” Judy asked sweetly before moving her lips from Jen’s jaw to her neck, sucking softly and laying kisses over her skin.

“Mmm,” Jen relaxed at the sensation of Judy’s mouth on her neck, “yeah, more than okay.”

“Good,” Judy spoke softly, moving one knee between Jen’s legs, grinding her thigh softly against Jen’s panties. Jen sucked in a small gasp, her hips rising into Judy involuntarily.

“Is it alright if I take your shirt off?” Judy whispered in Jen’s ear.

Jen could feel her heart starting to race again, but she told her it was okay. She sat up with Judy, who took her shirt by the hem and tugged upwards, Jen raising her arms up above her head to allow it. Jen’s first instinct was to cross her arms over her chest, but she resisted it, letting them fall to Judy’s face instead, pulling her into another kiss as Judy laid her down on her back again. Jen was relishing in the sensation of Judy’s chest against her own, feeling the brunettes nipples hardening against her chest once again. This kind of skin-on-skin contact was comforting, like a warm blanket laying over her, protecting her. She started running her fingers over Judy’s back while her tongue swept through Jen’s mouth.

“How are you feeling? Is it . . . okay if I touch your chest?” Judy asked, propping herself up a few inches above Jen’s face. “Or . . . kiss it?” she added quietly. Judy was in no way used to this sort of exchange; she’d never had to ask this much, nor had anyone ever checked in with her this much. In the past, she was never one to have much control, so there was very little to worry about as far as the other person’s comfort. Now she was feeling everything out, step-by-step, and it was horrifying. Maybe it wouldn’t be, maybe if it wasn’t  _ Jen _ it wouldn’t be. And maybe if Judy wasn’t the first person she’d trusted in so long, the stakes would be lower; but here they were, and Judy could feel her heart beating out of her chest.

“Yeah . . .” Jen started, “I mean, yeah, that’s fine. I’m sorry. It’s gonna take some time to get used to, so if I seem nervous or tense . . . I am. But you can keep going. If I really need you to stop touching me I’ll tell you to.”

“Okay . . .” Judy slid her fingertips gently over the sweat on Jen’s forehead, pushing her hair back and running a thumb over the bend of her eyebrow, “you can trust me,” Judy said before she lowered her head to Jen’s collarbone, kissing gently along it. When she made her way just below it, Jen’s breath hitched, her body tensed slightly, but she soon sunk back into the mattress, sighing contentedly.

“I like that . . .” Jen whispered, “I like you kissing  _ there _ .”

Judy let out a sigh of relief, satisfied to know Jen was really enjoying herself. She slid her fingers delicately over the patch of skin below Jen’s collarbone, “Right here?”

Jen hummed softly, “Mmm . . . yes. There. I’m really sensitive there.”

“Good to know,” Judy said softly, laying soft kisses all the way across her chest in the space beneath her collarbone, Jen sighing sweetly. “Where else?”

“I don’t know . . . no one’s tried before.”

Judy winced a bit at that, but tried not to dwell on it. “Okay . . . well, I’ll keep going and you can tell me where you like to be touched?”

“Alright,” Jen said timidly. “Thank you, Judy.”


	4. For However Long You Wanna Stay

“‘Thank you’ for what?” Judy asked from Jen’s chest.

Jen shrugged, “For loving me . . . in a way Ted never could.”

Judy’s heart twisted again in her chest; her heart broke for Jen, it truly did, but she couldn’t help but think that hitting Ted had been doing Jen a favor. Even if it wasn’t intentional. And maybe she had done them both a favor, because she sincerely loved and cared for Jen, and Jen felt the same for her, she knew. There was no way for her to respond to what Jen had just said, so she settled for “I love you, Jen.”

“I love you too . . .” Jen whispered, running her fingers through Judy’s hair as she continued her exploration of Jen’s chest. She wished she could feel Judy’s soft kisses against the flesh of her newly formed breasts, or had nipples that would harden against Judy’s lips the way Judy’s did against her stomach now. But she knew she’d have to settle for what she had now; a few areas of her chest that were still sensitive to touch. Jen admired Judy’s courage, she wasn’t being cautious now, just focused on Jen’s pleasure. She was unbothered by the artificial texture that Ted had been so disturbed by, and didn’t avoid her scars, nor did she seem put off by Jen’s chest the first time she’d taken off her bra. There was no initial shock or disgust in seeing nippless breasts, which Jen had experienced the first few times she’d seen herself in the mirror after recovering from her surgery. Maybe because she had been conditioned to.

Jen’s train of thought wasn’t interrupted until Judy found another spot that made her breath hitch again. “There . . .” Jen whispered, giving no context, hoping Judy would understand.

“Here?” Judy ran her fingertips between Jen’s breasts, finding a spot just at their base, still between.

“Mmmm,” Jen nodded, knowing Judy couldn’t see her nodding. “I liked it . . . when you kissed me there.”

“Noted,” Judy brought her lips to the spot, kissing and sucking gently.

“ _ Ahhh, _ ” Jen sighed. She truly appreciated everything Judy was doing, but it was becoming torture at this point, and she was unsure of how to tell Judy that at this point. “Judy?”

Judy’s head popped up, her soft, sweet puppy eyes staring back at Jen.

“I’m really enjoying this, seriously, it’s so nice. But . . .” Jen could already see Judy’s expression falling with doubt. Jen was searching for the right words to say, seeing a subtle pout forming on Judy’s face. “It’s just . . . we don’t have to move  _ this _ slow.”

A smirk formed on Judy’s face now, “Oh . . . I see.” Judy crawled until her face was even with Jen’s, “So . . ?”

“So,” Jen glanced to her side, not sure how to look Judy in the eye when she said this, “take my panties off?”

“Oh, yes,  _ ma’am _ ,” Judy said excitedly, awkwardly scooting herself down Jen’s body, sitting back on her heels and hooking her nails under Jen’s panties. At this point Judy’s heart was beating so hard she could hear the thrumming in her skull. She wished Jen didn’t have to look at her like  _ that _ while she was doing this. The intensity of Jen’s gaze was only making her more nervous. When Jen raised her hips off the bed permissively, Judy tugged her panties down her thighs, fumbling the entire way and unsure of where to look while Jen was watching her every move. As smoothly as she could, Judy got back on top of Jen, pushing her thigh back between Jen’s legs and bringing her lips to the sensitive flesh just below Jen’s collarbone, relieved that she could no longer see those blue-green eyes pinning her down.

Judy ran her fingers over Jen’s chest and down her stomach; Jen shuttering beneath her. She ran her hand down the outside of Jen’s thigh, then up the inside, feeling a twitch in Jen’s leg in anticipation. She knew she didn’t have to ask permission now as she moved her fingers further up Jen’s thigh. “Oh,” Judy whispered, not expecting Jen to have been so wet already. Jen moaned at the contact, wrapping her arms around Judy. No one’s fingers, aside from her own, had been there in so long that she had almost forgotten what it felt like. Although it was never quite like this. Men were less delicate, their skin was always rougher, they were always too direct, too much pressure too fast; but Judy’s skin was soft, her fingers small and nimble, her strokes slow and light, enough to settle Jen into the sensation without overwhelming her but still pleasure her. She could feel Judy testing the waters, slipping the tip of one finger in and out of her entrance gently, trying a bit deeper each time. Jen groaned softly, waiting for her to realize she was fine, that two would be fine too. Jen was also relieved that Judy wasn’t the type of woman to grow her nails out long or wear acrylics. Once Judy came to realize Jen was relaxed and more than ready, she slipped in another finger, two digits curling inwards as Jen’s hips jerked down onto Judy’s fingers and she whimpered involuntarily.

Judy lifted her head, propping herself up with her free arm, moving in close to Jen’s face. “Is this alright?” she whispered, sounding more innocent than she should’ve.

Jen snorted, not knowing if Judy was joking or not, because it was very clearly alright, but she pulled Judy in for a kiss, hoping that would answer her question. It seemed to, because Judy picked up her pace, allowing herself to be rougher with Jen, because Jen wasn’t delicate, and she wasn’t going to break. The blonde moaned approvingly, Judy somewhat excited at the prospect of someone riding her fingers the way Jen was, she had no idea how arousing that feeling would be. She was making her way down Jen’s neck, biting softly at the flesh where Jen’s shoulder and neck met while Jen groaned from beneath her, her movements becoming more urgent with every bite or kiss Judy laid on her.

“Ugh, you’re so hot,” Judy groaned against Jen’s neck. “I wanna hear you come,” she added quietly enough that she thought Jen might not have heard.

“Mm,” Jen hummed, “you will, baby.”

Judy had no idea how weak this woman could make her, she was putty in Jen’s hands and both of them knew it. Said hands were still on her back, Jen’s nails dug from Judy’s shoulder blades down to the base of her ass, making Judy squeal.

Jen grinned to herself, finding all of Judy’s noises endearing. 

Judy brought her lips down to the base of Jen’s breasts, kissing the spot she knew Jen liked to be kissed, working her fingers more deliberately as Jen’s nails dug into her back. She knew she’d have scratch marks all over from this, and the idea only turned her on more. She slipped her fingers partway out of Jen, moving them upwards until she reached the spot that made Jen’s hips jump off the bed. Jen ground herself desperately against Judy’s fingers.

“Oh. Fuck, Judy,” Jen panted, squeezing her tighter and tangling a hand into her soft, brown curls. “ _ Jesus _ , don’t stop.”

Judy kissed her way back up Jen’s chest until her lips were on the blonde’s neck, feeling the vibrations of Jen’s moans against her mouth.

“Oh, fuck.  _ Fuck! _ ” Jen shrieked, tugging at Judy’s hair. Her legs were shaking now but her hips stilled, letting Judy finish her off on her own. She made a sound that could only be described as a whimper as she came undone on Judy’s fingers. Jen held Judy tighter, pulling her head back up to her lips, wanting her closer. Judy moved her free hand under Jen’s neck, cradling her head. Jen’s face tightened, brows furrowing as she fisted a handful of Judy’s hair, moaning softly into her mouth. Her sounds becoming more desperate, squeezing Judy as tight as she could as she rode out her orgasm. “ _ Fuck _ , Judy,” she whispered against Judy’s lips before loosening her grip and sinking into the bed, panting, laughing breathily to herself.

Judy kissed Jen’s forehead before sitting back on her heels, still between Jen’s legs. She slipped her two wet fingers into her mouth and sucked generously while Jen watched, her mouth hanging open. “Jesus Christ,” Jen whispered to herself.

Judy gave a self-satisfied smile, winking as she slipped her fingers from her mouth. “God,” Jen muttered, “don’t do that.”

Judy pouted, “Why not?”

“Because you’re making me wanna fuck you again and I’m exhausted,” Jen laughed, still breathing heavily. 

Judy smirked, her arousal swirling within her again, but she was admittedly exhausted herself, after such a long, shitty day. She shook her hand lazily, rolling her wrist, not expecting it to be so sore. Jen watched her and snickered, “Poor you. Want me to kiss it?”

“Yes,” she grinned, surprising Jen when she swiped her fingers through her wetness one more time. 

Jen gasped, her hips jumping off the bed, “ _ Jesus _ , Jude.”

Judy took her fingers away, leaning forward to bring her hand to Jen’s mouth. “Okay, kiss it better,” Judy taunted.

“God,” Jen shook her head, grabbing Judy’s wrist in both of her hands “you are such a little shit,” she muttered, Judy giggling with pride. Despite her words, Jen took Judy’s fingers in her mouth, making a show of sucking them, tasting her own arousal. After her little show Jen popped Judy’s fingers out of her mouth, laying a loud, wet kiss on her hand. “There, all better.”

“Yeah, thanks, Dr. Harding,” Judy leaned down for another kiss before plopping herself down next to Jen, the two of them laying on their backs, staring at the ceiling.

“Thank you,” Jen sighed, “for  _ that _ . I think I needed that.”

Judy rolled over towards Jen, propping herself up on her elbow. “Needed . . . for me to fuck you?”

Jen laughed, shaking her head and pausing before saying “Needed to feel good. Needed someone to make me feel wanted, I guess,” she took a deep breath, “I missed being touched.”

Judy pursed her lips, knitting her eyebrows sympathetically. “Well, I loved touching you.”

Jen rolled her head to the side to look back at Judy and gave her a soft smile. Judy grinned back, leaning down and cupping Jen’s cheek as she kissed her lips.

When they finally separated Judy moved her face back just far enough to get a clear view of Jen, keeping her hand in place on Jen’s cheek.

“God . . .” Judy whispered, “look at that face.”

Jen felt everything in her soften for a moment, a grin was tugging at her lips but she tried to resist it, playing it cool. She snorted awkwardly, “What about my face?”

“It’s perfect,” Judy said softly.

Jen bit the inside of her cheeks to keep from smiling like an idiot, feeling flustered but not enough to let Judy notice. “Oh yeah?” Jen turned her head away and sat up quickly, trying to make it look as natural as possible while hiding the look on her face. “Perfect for you to sit on, maybe,” she muttered, mentally patting herself on the back as she climbed off the bed.

Judy grinned to herself, scoffing loud enough for Jen to hear, “Maybe later.”

Jen had a self-satisfied smirk plastered on her face while she picked her T-shirt up off the floor and tugged it back on. Her buzz was starting to wear off, as did the heat of the moment, and now she felt vulnerable and exposed yet again. She searched Judy’s bed until she found her panties, Judy watching her the entire time, still grinning, dizzy with a bit of afterglow. “Gonna put those back on, Jen?” she asked teasingly. 

“Huh?” Jen glanced over at her and back at the underwear, huffing, “Oh.” They weren’t exactly  _ wearable _ anymore, so she tossed them aside to where Judy’s clothes had ended up. “I guess not,” she sighed, “have any I can borrow?”

Judy wrung her hands together excitedly as she sat up, “Of course I do!” She hopped up off the bed and headed towards her dresser, not without playfully pinching Jen’s ass as she passed her, since she couldn’t resist.

Jen flinched in response, “Hey!  _ Judy _ .”

Judy spun towards her giddily, shrugging, “Sorry, couldn’t help it.” She winked before turning away again. Jen was initially annoyed, but her expression softened at the playful gesture, as it was such a lighthearted indication of Judy’s attraction to her, something she hadn’t been shown in a long time. She smiled softly despite herself, coming up behind Judy after a moment’s hesitation and enveloping her in an embrace from behind. Judy leaned back against her, laying her arms over Jen’s and tipping her head back onto her shoulder. Judy let out a relaxed “ _ Mmmm _ ,” against her, “what did I do?” Judy asked, not sure what she could’ve done to earn this display of affection. 

Jen shrugged unknowingly against her, softly kissing the top of her shoulder before stepping back again. She wasn’t sure why she felt compelled to touch Judy just then, but she thought it could’ve been the fact that she was standing entirely naked directly in front of her.

Judy was frozen in place for a beat, waiting for the butterflies to clear out before she could remember what she was doing. “Right,” she whispered to herself, grabbing from her underwear drawer without looking and turning towards Jen. “How about these?” she asked, holding a pair of baby pink laced panties without glancing at them.

Jen quirked an eyebrow, “What am I, fifteen?,” she snorted, “Do you have  _ anything  _ else?”

Judy’s face scrunched up, her cheeks reddening, “ _ Hey! _ I think they’re cute. I like these ones . . .” she decided to slip them on herself since she needed some too, knowing Jen might like them more on her.

Jen sniggered, “Yeah. Okay, they are. On  _ you. _ ”

Judy huffed, then turned around and found a pair of blue cotton panties in her drawer, “Here, picky,” she said as she handed them over to Jen.

“Thanks,” Jen stepped forward and snatched them, wrapping her arms around the small of Judy’s back. “Alright, I’m gonna run to the bathroom,” she pulled Judy into a slow kiss, reaching down to swat her ass playfully before turning away.

Judy let out a clipped “ _ Oop! _ ” in response which quickly changed to giggles.


	5. I Wanna Feel Love But I Don't Want My Heart to Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judy finds her pregnancy test with different results.

Once Jen disappeared into the bathroom Judy found her thin, silk, paisley robe and wrapped it around herself, deciding this and the pink panties Jen refused were what she’d wear to bed. While she walked back towards her bed, she glanced over at the table she’d left her pregnancy test on earlier that day. She sighed heavily at the sight of it still sitting there, mocking her. It only served as a reminder of what couldn’t be, she thought, so she decided it was best to throw it away now. As she picked it up she stole a final glance at it, needing to confirm the result she didn’t want to believe was real. When she looked down at it, she thought she might’ve been hallucinating at the sight of the results on it. Judy shut her eyes tight and shook her head, as if she was trying to wake out of a dream. But when she opened her eyes, the result was still the same. 

“ _ JEN! _ ” Judy squealed, probably louder than she needed to.

“What! What is it?” A muffled voice called from the bathroom.

“Get out here!”

“ _ Ugh _ . One second, Judy, Jesus, I’m pissing!”

Judy let out an exasperated sigh, “Well  _ hurry _ !”

Jen burst out moments later, wiping her dripping hands on her shirt as she rushed over to Judy. “Someone better be dead,” she huffed.

Unbothered, Judy held out the stick, “ _ Look! _ ” She was practically jumping up and down with excitement.

Jen swiped it from her hands and stared down at it, her eyes widening with disbelief. She brought it closer to her face, then further away, squinting her eyes for reassurance. “Holy  _ shit! _ ”

“Is it? It’s positive right? You see two lines?” Judy asked, trying to confirm she wasn’t crazy.

“Yes, it  _ is _ . I do. Holy shit.”

“You know what this  _ means? _ ”

Jen’s eyes widened at the stick, “Yeah! That I’m the asshole that bought you the cheap test.”

“I know, who buys store brand? I thought you were my friend.”

“Who cares? You’re pregnant!”

“Oh my god! . . . I’m pregnant!” 

Jen set the test back down and pulled Judy into her arms. A million thoughts were rushing through Judy’s head, but she buried herself in Jen’s shoulder, squeezing her in the hopes that it would keep her grounded. Judy closed her eyes tight, trying to keep the tears at bay, she wasn’t even sure why they were coming, but she was too overwhelmed to stop them from running down her cheeks. Jen could hear Judy sniffling, chuckling giddily as tears ran down her cheeks. “Oh honey, honey,” Jen pulled back, holding Judy by the upper arms, which she rubbed up and down, “Those better be happy tears,” Jen said with a soft smile before reaching up to push a tear away with the pad of her thumb.

“They—” Judy was cut off by a sob, “—are.”

Jen tilted her head to the side, raising her eyebrows and pouting sympathetically in Judy’s direction. “Oh, sweetie,” Jen leaned forward and pressed her forehead to Judy’s, moving her hand into soft, curly brown locks.”I’m gonna be here for you every step of the way, you hear me?”

Judy nodded, sniffling, “Thank you . . .”

Jen cupped her face in both hands, waiting for Judy’s eyes to meet hers. When they did, Jen pressed a gentle kiss against her mouth, letting out a long, tranquil breath from her nose as they relaxed into each other. Judy couldn’t help the lazy smile that made its way over her lips after they separated. She bit down on her bottom lip to keep it from growing any larger as she stared up at Jen.

Before the two of them could go to bed, they ran through their nightly routines; Judy brushing, flossing, cleaning her face, and apparently providing an extra toothbrush for Jen. “Why do you have an extra toothbrush?” Jen had asked.

“Well, like, in case, you know, maybe you were out here at night and didn’t wanna go all the way inside to . . . brush your teeth?” Judy tried.

Jen laughed, “So you have an extra for me because you were planning on me coming out here and sleeping with you at some point?”

Judy swallowed nervously, “Well when you put it like  _ that _ it seems pretty forward. It was just . . . you know . . . just in case. Maybe in case I had a guy over.”

“Uh-huh,” Jen said sarcastically, “I’m sure that’s it.”

By the time they got to bed they were off the topic of the toothbrush and back to the baby. Neither of them could sleep yet, having too much to think about. The lights stayed on, and Jen sat cross-legged on the bed, Leaning back against a pillow she propped up between herself and Judy’s tapestry. Judy laid on her back, using Jen’s bare thigh as a pillow, staring up at her. “Man . . . What am I gonna do?” Judy asked herself. “I mean,” she sighed, “I’m gonna have to get my own place if I’m having this baby.”

Jen’s eyes popped open wide before she looked down at Judy, shocked. “What?  _ Why? _ ”

Judy sighed, “Jen, I can’t raise a child from your guest house. How would all of that even work.”

Jen shook her head, “Judy, you wouldn’t have to raise the kid in the guest house. I have a guest room. We could turn it into a nursery . . .”

Judy chuckled, a hint of a smile grazing her lips, “Jen, I can’t have a kid in the house with you while I’m all the way out here. How the hell would that work?”

Jen huffed, “Judy. Come on. Don’t be stupid. You wouldn’t be living in the guest house.”

Judy’s eyebrows furrowed with confusion, “Well then . . . where would I sleep? In the nursery?”

Sighing, Jen combed her fingers soothingly over Judy’s scalp, “No, Judy. I was thinking . . . you could just sleep in my room.”

Judy’s eyes shot open, “Like . . . in your bed? With you?”

Jen chuckled, “Yeah, why not?”

Judy shrugged, “That  _ is  _ a compelling argument.”

“So . . ?” Jen looked down at Judy expectantly.

Judy beamed back up at her, “I love that idea.”

“I love it too,” Jen said softly, sweeping Judy’s bangs out of her eyes.

“But . . .” Jen sighed, closing her eyes, “let’s not get our hopes up too high.”

“I know . . .” Judy said under her breath, remembering how high her hopes were the last five times.

“I just mean, if it was a cheap test, who knows how accurate it is. We’ll get you in to see a doctor tomorrow so we can be sure. I’ll take you,” Jen offered.

“Yeah, that’s probably smart . . . as much as I’d like to believe it,” Judy sighed. She was relieved that Jen wasn’t implying another miscarriage, as if her thinking that would make it a reality. She didn’t want to believe that Jen thought she was broken.

Once the silence between them was thick enough, Jen cut in with, “Hey, what are you thinking?”

“Oh, well, I was just thinking of something Steve said to me today.”

Jen blew a raspberry with her tongue at the sound of his name, “Why are you thinking about that tool?”

Judy huffed, “He said something really awful to me today.”

“Shocker,” Jen scoffed, before realizing she was being insensitive. “Sorry. What did he say?”

“He said . . . that maybe I should just put myself out of my misery now.”

“ _ What? _ He seriously said that?  _ God _ he’s a dick.”

Judy shrugged, thinking her voice might crack if she tried to speak. 

“Do you want me to punch him for you? ‘Cause I’ll punch him.”

Judy chuckled, “Nahh . . . That’s alright. I appreciate it, though. I’ll let you know if I change my mind.”

“I hope you do.”

Judy was laughing a little bit now. “He has a replacement for me already,” she said as her laugh subsided, “she was at his work when I went.”

“Ew, seriously? Ugh, men are gross. What does she look like?”

Judy shrugged, “I don’t know, tall? Blonde?”

Jen scoffed, “Sounds like a bitch.”

“ _ You’re _ tall and blonde.”

“Yeah, and I’m a bitch, what’s your point?”

Judy giggled, “No you’re not, come on.”

Jen shrugged, “And I’m not tall, you’re just short.”

“Shut up,” Judy scrunched up her nose. “But forget that, I don’t wanna think about it anymore,” she took a pause, but Jen didn’t say anything back, so she spoke again. “So if I  _ am  _ having a baby, and we do mother the baby together, like, as a team, what would they call you? Like, Auntie Jen?”

Jen cringed, looking disgusted. “Ew,  _ hell  _ no, then it sounds like we’re sisters.”

“Okay, okay. What then? We can’t  _ both  _ be ‘Mom’, right?”

Jen shrugged, “Maybe you can be Mommy and I can be Mom?”

Judy’s eyebrows knitted together, “Why am  _ I _ Mommy?”

“I don’t know, it’s cuter. And you’re the cute one,” Jen said matter-of-factly.

Judy giggled, “Mom and Mommy it is.”

Jen smiled, ran her fingers through Judy’s hair, then scoffed, “ _ Auntie _ ,” she shook her head at the thought. “What would we be teaching our kid with  _ that _ .”

The fact that Jen had just used the word “our” made Judy’s heart swell. Jen noticed the subtle look of shock that came over Judy’s face at the words, and couldn’t tell if it was a positive reaction or not. “Sorry . . .” Jen started awkwardly, “ _ your  _ kid.”

Judy shook her head, grinning; “No. Ours.”

Jen smiled down at Judy, whose hair she was still combing her fingers through; “Okay. Ours.”

Smiling back up at Jen, Judy let out a long, drawn-out yawn.

“Okay,” Jen patted Judy’s shoulder, “let’s get you to bed. You had a big day today.”

Judy laughed at that statement, raising herself off of Jen’s lap. Jen groaned as they climbed under the covers, “Your bed is tiny.”

Judy climbed under with her, “Guess we’ll just have to spoon then.”

Jen snorted, “Yeah yeah, come here little spoon.”

Judy giggled and scooted back against her, Jen wrapping her in a warm embrace and giving her a loving squeeze. She kissed the sensitive patch of skin behind Judy’s ear and whispered “Goodnight, baby.”

**Author's Note:**

> I truly need to slow down.


End file.
